Wizard Swears
by Silver Flame Alchemist
Summary: Howl clapped a hand over his eyes and groaned low in his throat. It was far too early, and he'd had far too little sleep for this kind of insubordination.


_Dedicated to the wonderfully entertaining and greatly talented _TachibanaEri

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><p>Howl let out a loud yawn, stretching his arms up over his head with a wince as his eyes squeezed shut and he tried to rouse himself into full wakefulness. It had been a long night the night before, and Howl's muscles were sore, even after he'd spend the better part of an hour in the tub, soaking away the stiffness. What he really needed was a large cup of tea, a big breakfast, and perhaps a hug from his younger apprentice… His eyes lit up with the thought of having his two apprentices fuss over him this particular morning, and so it was with a spring in his step that he headed for the stairs and the two young ladies that awaited him.<p>

It wasn't until he reached the top of the stairs that what had previously been nothing more than muttered words turned into a clear conversation between the two aforementioned apprentices.

"I'm telling you, Eri, I already tried that, it didn't work!" Mizuki's voice was unmistakable, her tone displeased as it carried up the staircase to Howl.

Eri, older than Mizuki although still shorter, huffed and her tone was borderline motherly. "Mizuki, are you sure you were putting in the right end?"

"Yes, I'm positive. But I couldn't get it passed the first inch before it stuck and wouldn't go in any further."

"Well did you try putting oil on it or something? You know, to make it slick?"

Howl, at this point, clapped a hand over his eyes and groaned low in his throat. It was far too early, and he'd had far too little sleep, for this kind of insubordination.

"Yeah, I even tried rolling it back and forth, but it still wouldn't go in!" Mizuki, evidently displeased with whatever object was defying her rule, huffed angrily. "You'd think something like this would come with better directions."

"Did you think to ask Howl? Maybe he knows." Eri offered hopefully. "You never know, he might have used one before."

"I highly doubt that." Mizuki replied, her tone clipped with evident displeasure. "Besides, if I can't do it by myself then I'm not going to admit that and ask Master Howl for help…" She trailed off, obviously a little embarrassed by whatever short-coming she was trying to deal with.

Eri sighed deeply, and Howl heard the sounds of a chair scrapping over the floor as she moved it into a better position. "Well then, I suppose you're sunk. I mean, if you tried all the regular means of getting it to fit."

"Oh!" Mizuki exclaimed suddenly, her tone much brighter than before. "Maybe the hole is just too small for something its size! If that's the case than I can just use a spell to shrink it and then it'll fit no problem."

"But the spell won't last that long." Eri argued reasonably. "Eventually it's going to go back to its usual size."

"But when that happens, it'll already be inside, so it won't make that much of a difference, right?"

Eri sighed softly. "It's worth a shot, I guess… Do you want my help?"

"No, I think I can get it…" Mizuki replied, and Howl heard footsteps moving towards the stairs.

Instead of scarping off, as any reasonably-minded man might do just then, he stayed where he was, waiting for Mizuki to come around the corner of the staircase and see him. He leaned one hand casually against the wall, and placed the other on his hip, an eyebrow raised confrontationally, and his face a smooth mask of indifference. He wasn't about to accuse either of his apprentices of inappropriate behavior, but what else could they have been discussing?

Mizuki's face was lit up by a smile as she rounded the corner and started up the stairs, but when her green eyes landed on Howl, her face fell before it was quickly covered by a bright blush. "Ah! M-master Howl!" She stood her ground rather well for someone who had just been caught having an interesting conversation with a fellow pupil.

"Mizuki." Howl acknowledge with a slight nod. "What is it you can't manage to make fit?"

If her cheeks had been red before, they went positively scarlet when he asked that simple question. "O-oh… Ah, n-nothing, Master Howl." She said softly, her eyes moving to look at her shoes.

Eri came to stand next to her, her arms folded over her chest. She smirked slightly and nudged Mizuki in the ribs with her elbow. "It's fine, you know. It's practically here already."

Mizuki cast her friend a look before she returned her gaze to the magician on the stairs. "I was trying to make your birthday present, Master Howl."

Howl's calm expression broke at that simple declaration, and his eyebrows shot up his forehead. "I beg your pardon."

"Your birthday present." She repeated, the blush in her face fading away now. "I was trying to fit it together, but it just wouldn't go, so I decided I should shrink it, but then you were on the stairs, and… How, ah, how much of our conversation did you hear?"

Howl tried to remain calm as he moved the rest of the way down the stairs, gently lifting Mizuki's chin with a forefinger as he stopped in front of her. "Enough of it." He replied evenly.

Mizuki frowned slightly. "Bother. I wanted it to be a surprise!"

He smiled slightly. "I'll act surprised when you give it to me, Mizuki, how does that sound?"

She smiled slightly, nodded once, and then dodged around him to scurry up the stairs. "Thank you Master Howl!"

He turned to watch her go, and when he heard her door close, he whirled around to look at Eri. "Please, in the name of all that is mystical and holy, tell me she was _not_ talking about what I think she was talking about!"

Eri, expression calm and a touch smug; merely lifted her eyebrows at him. "I don't know what you're talking about, Howl. Mizuki was trying to fit a constellation into a bottle. Quite a stunning bit of magic, from someone so young. You should be proud of her." And with a sly wink, she was off up the stairs.

Howl plopped himself down into a seat by the table and put his head in his hands. "God, those women try my patience." But as he looked up again, he noticed the large cup of tea and big breakfast laid out at the end of the table, pristine and perfect as it sat there waiting for him.

He looked at the food, looked at the stairs, and then rolled his eyes as he heard a burst of laughter come from the direction of Mizuki's room.

"I _swear_, those women will be the death of me!"

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><p><em>You know you love me, Eri-chan!<em>

_And speaking of Eri-chan, I can actually see us getting into this sort of situation and then laughing about the fact that we _totally_ screwed with someone's head because of it. XD __Yeah, we're awesome like that._

_And you'll be awesome if you leave me a review!  
>(Not that you won't be if you don't, but you know what I mean.)<em>

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><p>Eri <em>belongs to: <em>TachibanaEri

Mizuki _belongs to:_ Silver Flame Alchemist (_aka_ Me)

All other characters and locations _belong to: _Diana Wynne Jones


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